I was recently approached by a widower who was interested in my HIM exclusive matchmaking service to find a new partner. The gentleman was in his late 50s, was the CEO of a well-known company with an international lifestyle and he had lost his wife to cancer 8 months earlier. His son, who felt it would be good for his father to find a new partner, had recommended that he contact me.
As the gentleman was contacting me from elsewhere in Europe, we did a first video consultation via Skype, and one of the first things he asked was whether I had any experience matching widowers. In my 12 years of matchmaking I have worked with several widowers, the oldest being 68 and the youngest 42!
In fact, my first gentleman client was a British widower whom I successfully matched 11 years ago.
I remember him well. He had read about me and my matchmaking services in a magazine and thought that working with a professional matchmaker would be the right way to find his new life partner.
He had been married for many years and his children were already independent. His wife had been ill for quite some time before she passed away so, in a way, the mourning process had started before she died. They started dating when they were freshmen at university and married before they graduated. Except for his wife, this gentleman had not dated in over 40 years!
He realized that life was more enjoyable when shared and that love could be found at any age.
If there is anything positive about losing a loved one, it is perhaps the realization that life and love are precious. Through life experience we learn what the essential and important things in life are. Not the accumulation of material wealth, but it is our human relationships that ensures that we have a rich and fulfilling life.
This gentleman was charming, smart and had excellent social skills but, as he had not dated in such a long time and, as he said “finding happiness again and therefore the right lady is my top priority”, he appreciated my personalized support as his professional matchmaker.
It did not take very long before I found HER. However, it did take a while for both to move from just dating and into the relationship. They both wanted to take it very slow, which was fine. Once they fell in love, all was great and they have been together for over 11 years now.
As I was thinking about my experiences working with different widowers, I thought it would be good to share a few helpful tips for widowers who would like to meet a new partner.
1 Take the time you need / it is ok to take it slow
There is no standard amount of time people need before they are ready to start dating and meet someone new. Take the time you need.
2 Do what feels right for you.
You may be ready for a new partner in your life and to start dating again, but not everyone in your environment may feel the same. There could be some friends or relatives who may think it is too early. No one can look in your heart. Do what feels right for you.
3 Create space in your life for a new partner.
Make sure that your house is ready for someone new. After having lived with someone for many years, almost everything has a common memory to it. This of course does not mean that you need to remove every trace of your late spouse, but do make your home feel welcoming to someone new.
4 Focus on the positive
It is totally possible to create a new happy future. Yes, it will never be the same but life can be absolutely wonderful with a new partner. Believe in a future of joy and happiness with your new partner and be positive about the opportunities to create a happy future with someone new.
5 Do not compare
Of course you will never forget your late partner. No one can replace her. However, once you meet someone new, do not compare her. Take her as she is and appreciate her for who she is.
6 Create new memories
You will find it helpful to not go places and do activities that constantly remind you of your late wife. Your date does not all the time want to hear that you used to come here all the time with her or that you used to always do this or that together.
Discover new places and new activities with your date. Do new things together. Create new happy memories.
7 Get support
Starting all over and going out there after not having dated for many years can seem daunting. Know that we are here to help and support you with the project of finding that special new lady that is right for you.
Contact us for a first complimentary consultation to find out whether we are the right partner to help you find HER and accompany you throughout the dating process.